


To Treat A Woman

by Arrem



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Black Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrem/pseuds/Arrem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You may be the baddest person out there but trust me, honey, a girl like that can outclass you anytime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lady Called Snowman

"No!" You snarl at the phone.

Your round adversary on the other line seemed to shrug but of course you wouldn't know that.

"I'm just telling you boss, ranking says that you're not high chief anymore."

"Who outclassed me? Is there even such a threat!?"

The other line was quite for a moment, possibly looking for answers to satiate your anger. It's ashame that people don't understand you the way you think they could. You sigh and turned your lips into a ferocious snarl. You could feel anger rising upwards and the room rose a couple degrees hotter.

You knew the answer before Deuce even said it.

"Name's Snowman, boss."

You feel the scowl on your face turn upwards into a cruel smile. You gave Deuce a word of thanks (at least you don't kill him) and plotted necessary plans for overthrowing that... that  **woman.**

Women don't belong in turf wars. They stay at home, tend to the business and care for the family. They do not carry guns and act so brazenly in front of men. Women are to follow a man's order and they should never have bargained.

So what's this woman's story?

The name Snowman has ricocheted high to the mafia skies.

A few weeks ago, Snowman appeared in a turf war. Every mafia ceased fires at once to laugh at the elegant lady. Now, under the wings of The Felt (A band of 14 idiots and one of your adversaries), she's death on legs. Once a laughing stock and now the only one smiling. She is able to kill anyone without as much of a wink and you HATED her.

You hate the fact that The Felt rose up to fame in a much shorter period than The Midnight Crew. You simply don't understand how a band of 14 idiots, without a leader, is able to strive with a sudden appearance of a woman.

You could feel the rage bubbling in your veins, dark and ugly. Perhaps it was the fact that deep inside you know that you were the best and all of a sudden, this challenger appears. You have no clue how to deal with a powerful gang, let alone one that is commanded by a  _lady._

You slam the table with your fist and you were transported back to reality when one of your mates tell you to calm down. You will **NOT**  calm down. The rage and hatred was eating you alive and you know you should know better but you can't help it.

"Wouldn't it be simpler to just device a plan to trap her?"

You look up and snarl.

"That woman is far too crafty for her own good, how do you suppose we trap the likes of her!?"

Sometimes, you wonder why you chose to recruit them. Then you remembered that you were THE Midnight Crew, even if your people are just jerks bonding together.

"Okay, I'll take up your plan, what do you suggest, Agent Drood? And it better not be stupid."

"I suggest you go on a date with her."

Your blood stopped cold and for once, your anger is no longer on the damned Snowman but on your own agents.

You howled with rage. "You're JOKING!"

But Drood was calm and with reluctance, your rage dissipates to allow him to speak for himself... before you shoot him in the head.

"I didn't mean on that kind of date. You should really just take her out for a walk, or dinner, and when her defences are down, you hit her. A casual plan for an elegant lady, don't you think, boss?"

You stare at the man and wonder how a guy like him could be such a genius. You're not going to hurt this man. His brain is precious.

"That sounds like an idea but how, in the name of Eddie Morton, do we get her to agree?"

Your agent stopped to reconsider then simply shrugged. You were wrong, you're able to do without him.

"You can try calling The Felt or just go there yourself."

You barked out laughter that sounded like an angry snarl.

"Me? Go to THEM? Why would any sane person go to a green house filled with... common filth?"

Your agent eyed you warily.

Oh.

Just a few decades ago, you managed to sneak inside The Felt's hideout and even had a little "tête-à-tête" with said woman. It wasn't exactly a conversation since it involved more fists (or canes and guns in this case) than words (and you even lost your eye) but you have to admit that she makes a wonderful enemy.

Dammit, what are you thinking now.

"Fine, I accept your opinion."

You weren't entirely sure oftour decision and managed a grimace instead of a smile but that earned you a small shrug from the other wise apathetic Agent Drood. You impress yourself day by day.


	2. The Man For A Date

"My lad--"

"Don't you dare call me that."

When the man bowed, the woman sat even more rigid than before. She hated being in this world, where a woman can't really live fully. You are either a man or a follower.

The woman entered the turf wars a while back because she just so happens to have a gun on her hand and shot anything that moved. She remembered a certain guy she was about to shoot. The man was beyond angry and he tore the gun away from her in a flash. He snarled something about how women isn't supposed to be in wars that they can't fight. The woman, enraged, slapped him hard and would kill him if it weren't for the good of her conscience. She let him gbunt the man won't have nothing. He asked her to kill him, mainly for his pride.

She let him live and 3 of his agents came running back to fetch him. If the agents were surprised, they didn't show it.

After the war was suspended, the men on the opposite side seemed to have lost their leader. There were 14 men in counting, although by some of their personalities they must be around 10, and they all looked at her in awe. They asked her to join their ranks acting as, if not their leader, then as a vice. She agreedreluctantly since there was absolutely nothing left for her back home, plus, she wanted to meet that... that  **man** and seek for revenge.

She got her name due to her ability to kill anything without a little hint of remorse and also the fact that she doesn't like the people to know her as "woman". So she changed and gone was the girl everyone knew. She is now Snowman.

"Madame? There is someone at the door, waiting for you."

Snowman nodded her thanks and went downstairs. She opened the door amd came face-to-face with the man she nearly killed.

What the hell?

Snowman scowled but it turned into a smile when she realized that the man was very very uncomfortable.

"Hello, Mr. Slick," the woman kept her voice light and breezy.

He snarled towards her. The woman felt the hatred bubbling from him... until he produced flowers.

"For me, Mr. Slick? How very courteous of you. What's the occasion?"

She gave him the coolest smile she cam muster and rose an eyebrow just to spite him.

"I'm asking you out on a date."

The woman took a step back, obviously stunned. Could this be a trap? But the man didnt seem to like the idea as much as she does so it's obvious he didnt put himself in the trap. That would be strange.

"When would that be?" The woman found herself wondering about the date instead of the fact that it could be a trap.

The man seemed to grin but it looked more like a grimace.

"Whenever you wish,  _m'lady_. I am at your disposal," he bowed low.

The woman knew he was mocking her but she can't help but agree. The man was surprised by her answer for his snarl was back. Oh, she could work with this. She smiled coyly back at him.

"9 pm, I wish for dinner. Any place since you  _are_ at my disposal."

Unfortunately, her jab didn't work, Spades grinned (grimaced) as usual and took another bow before leaving the giant manor of The Felt.

As soon as the man left, Snowman went inside quickly and slammed the door behind her. Her boys gathered around but she gave them a tight smile before she headed towards her room.

She only had a few hours left before Spades return to the manor. The woman locked the door to her room and began to tear open her wardrobes. If Slick was going to be THE man, she might as well be his companion.

After all, it's victory when your enemies know that no matter what they do, you'll always be happy.

The woman smiled at herself in front of the mirror. She was going to make sure she stays happy so Slick won't be able to get on her nerves.

She was excited yet petrified to the number of possibilities. So she decided to choose a simple black and sequential dress. It had a slit from her ankle to above her knee a little and the green covers underneath the layer of black matched nicely with the red 7-inched heels she's going to wear.

She observed herself in front of the mirror and loved what she saw. A cruel smile appeared on her gentle face.

"I'll get you back, Spades Slick.'


	3. The (Insufferable) Date

"You have 30 minutes until you have to pick her up, boss. I suggest you pick up more flowers and oh, here's your tuxedo. I made a reservation for Le Blanc, the french restaurant down the street and you're allowed to use my car. Be careful though, I want her in one piece." 

You growl at your agent as a way of saying thanks.

Deuce came bumbling down the hall with a black tuxedo. You have to admit, your gang has good taste. Begrudgingly, you put the tuxedo on and you looked once around the mirror to adjust some changes. There was a heavy object inside one of the pants pockets and you reached inside to find a gun. Not any normal gun too, it was the gang's classic, a .375 mm magnum gun and you can't say how impress you are. Your scowl disappeared and you nodded expressionlessly to your gang.

They should know that's as close as you can come to smiling.

"Go get the girl, boss. Knock 'em dead."

\--------------------------------------------------

You stand in front of her house and can't help feeling rather dumb. You knocked on the door to the eerie green mansion once and after a moment, the door opened to reveal a huge body blocking his view. You look up quickly, making your face as unimpressed as ever. Die stared back at you. Damn, that guy is seriously big. You grinned towards him and asked for the lady. Die, as you assumed, isn't as smart as your men and he simply snorted and stayed there.

You glared at Die for a while longer before your thoughts were distracted by a  _tap tap tap_ behind him.

Die growled and moved aside, revealing Snowman in a lovely dress.

She nodded at Die and went to you.

"Lovely dress," you mutter and gave her the flowers. You wanted this to end as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

Snowman smiled coyly and took the flower from your hands.

"Thank you. Die, be a dear and put this in a vase somewhere, would you?"

Die took the flowers from her and went inside, closing the door behind him.

"Just so you know, I don't like this idea at all, Mr. Slick."

You smile. "The feelings are mutual, lady. Shall we?"

She stared at you for a moment but took your outstretched hand. You walked side by side into the passenger side of Drood's car and opened the door for her. Snowman bowed and went inside. You close the door behind her and went the opposite direction to the driver's seat.

You have a bad feeling in your guts as you step inside and fire the car.

It rumbled smoothly and went without problems through the empty road. There was no traffic and you didn't know whether to feel thankful or annoyed. You wanted to get out of this car. Snowman didn't say anything and stared straight ahead, even if you muttered a few engaging conversations. The silence was awkward, as deadly as a knife and you feel a creep edging slowly to your brain.

Somewhere inside that dress, there must be somekind of protection.

Your gun burned into your side but you ignored it. This date was to find out who Snowman really was and find out the best way to bring her down.

You arrive at the restaurant and the chauffeur took your car. You led her inside the restaurant.

The receptionist was a short woman with too much make up on her face with a fake smile. She led you inside and sat you down in a somewhat private place. Somewhere in the distance, two teenagers were having a date and the scrawny boy must've felt as awkward as you do while the lady sat up straight and looked through the menu.

The boy kept on casting glances and scratched his head a lot. You snorted. Twitchy fellow.

"Would you like some free champagne?"

Your gaze snapped up to the waiter, holding out a brand you don't recognize. You shook your head but the woman in front of you nodded and the waiter poured out crystal pink liquid into her flute. It fizzled for a while before it settled. You asked the waiter for some black coffee and he took note of what you want. Snowman smiled charmingly at the waiter. He bowed and left.

"You don't like champagne?"

"I'm afraid not, too girly. A man must have his coffee black."

The Woman smiled and sipped her champagne. The waiter came back with coffee and two menus.

You chose your food quickly while Snowman scanned her menu thoughtfully.

You notice a sudden tense air as you glance at the two teenagers. The boy was fiddling with his food, twitchy as always and the lady seemed disturbed for some reason. The boy seemed to want to say something but the girl in front of him won't really listen.

 _Teenagers_ , you scoff.

"Eyes on me, Mr. Slick. I am your date tonight, am I not?"

You growl at her. Damn the woman and her flowery words.

You kept your groove in check, hoping not to lose your cool now. Remember what Drood taught you.

"Of course, m'lady. Excuse my manners."

You notice her eye twitch and you give yourself a small smile.

"So, m'lady, how did you come by The Felt and why were you in that turf war that night?"

"The night where I slapped you?"

You nod.

"I was simply there. Conveniently, or should I say unfortunately, with a gun in my hand. I started shooting whoever moved and... well you know what happens next."

You sipped your black coffee thoughtfully. That sounded strange but you let the matter slide, you're aware that she made no tell-tale signs of lying. Either she's a really good actress... or she's telling the truth.

"And you, Mr. Slick? What made you appear in this world?"

You smiled at her that you hope looked scary or mysterious. It seems to be working.

"I believe that's not something I discuss openly. I'm here and I believe that's all that matters."

"A very secretive man, aren't you, Mr. Slick?"

The food came at that point and you were grateful that she didn't press the subject, or maybe she would have pressed but the waiter interrupted. You never know. You ate in silence, hunched over the table, while the woman ate elegantly; back straight and eating little bites.

You felt like a monster in front of her.

You straightened your posture and ate (or try to eat) as elegantly as possible.

You notice her lips curve upwards and you feel anger burning in the pit of your stomach.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Be as cool and as apathetic as your agent. It will do you well.

After a while, you finish your food and you notice the teen couple were staring at each other's eyes lovingly. Looks like the boy managed to say what he wanted to say.

"I believe we are done here, shall we go?"

You paid the bill and turned to the door. Snowman followed you but when you wanted to ask for Drood's car back, she shook her head. She told the receptionist that you will be leaving the car in her care for a little while longer.

"Walk with me."

It wasn't a request, it was a command.

Your eyes narrowed towards her but followed her lead.

For some reason, you weren't aware of your surroundings and you found yourself in an alley.

That's strange, this feels familiar.

"Let's finish what we started, shall we?"

You look up and notice the strap on Snowman's thigh for the first time. It was a gun holster. She took the gun out and unlocked the safety. She pointed it towards you.

You feel the smile creep up and you took your gun swiftly and pointed it towards her, a hand still in your pockets.

"Ready, Mr. Slick?"

"Always, m'lady."

This was what you're born to do. You aim carefully but if she didn't fire, nor will you. You're going to fire at the same time.

She fired once and you dodged swiftly. You fired towards her but she was already in hiding.

There was a moment of silence as the smoke from both guns rise up to the air.

You dared to peek from behind the trash can and you didn't see her anywhere.

You shot once and somewhere, a dog howled.

A gun in your hand, trained in a certain point, you walk from your hiding place and waited.

You wait for a while longer and you crept to the place where you knew she was hiding.

You were careful to look around your surroundings this time, pointing the gun around.

You were getting close now.

You pointed your gun from in front of her hiding place, which was of course, another garbage can, and fired a round.

No response.

You looked behind it and found a note, wedged between a rock.

You opened it and you smell perfume.

\---------------------------

_Greetings, Mr. Slick_

_Thank you for the date but I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore about me._

_You may be a hardcore mafia but you will never outclass a lady._

_Cheers!_

_\---------------------------_

Damn that woman.

You smile and pocketed the note.

She's done it again.

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely Anggi. Happy birthday love, stay stuck.


End file.
